I need an outlet.

Just finished having a good cry. Why?
Cause I am just tired of everything. (well, WAS. I actually feel a lot better about myself and everything else).

I felt I needed to take a break.

It was 3pm ( a few minutes ago), and Mikel was STILL eating his lunch. We all started eating at around 1pm. My hubby asked me to stay with Mikel because he was going out to play Xbox with  his best friend.  THAT was the last straw that made me breakdown.

He even told me the reason he's going out cause he was too stressed at home (He was quitting smoking. Stress makes him smoke). I normally don't mind. And I truly understand. I just got a bit jealous that he can just go out whenever he wants but I can't. When I'm too stressed, I just cry it out in the bathroom. I want to go out and at least have coffee even just for an hour just to let steam off. I can't because if I go, nobody will take care of our kids.

I am not mad at my hubby or my sons. I love them to bits, and I think I am the luckiest with them. I get sad that I mostly take out my frustrations to my sons and hubby.

I just need an outlet.

My "friends" and I don't talk anymore. And I don't actually have time/resources to go out of the house.

For all of you who don't know, I am a stay-at-home mom, with 2 kids. One 5, and the other 1 and a half. Both are boys. I tried working years back, for about 6 months. It really feels so good to have your own money and I kinda miss it. Hubby actually wants me to work already (In Spanish queue in a call center, cause we both studied Spanish a few months ago). I really want to work too, but I feel I am not ready to speak Spanish yet. I also am having a hard time motivating myself to practice more. In my free time, I'd rather relax and watch a movie or read a nice book.

I guess blogging is a nice outlet. Maybe I should try blogging more. I stopped blogging years ago because I rarely have quiet time to sit and think about what to blog. There's noise in our house 24/7 (maybe almost coz they are quiet when they're sleeping. lol).

I kinda want to tell you my experiences as a stay-at-home and working mom, and their differences. But maybe that's for another post. This is getting too long.

Ciao for now!